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There have been very few original holiday songs in recent memory to make the jump from The Very Special X-mas Album to The Bona Fide Catalog of Holiday Songs, and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is perhaps the quintessential representation of new holiday music. While the song is perhaps deceptively simple, a lot of its appeal does have to do with Mariah Carey’s incomparable voice in its mid-’90s heyday. The movie Love Actually attempted an epic performance and fell somewhat short, and just yesterday Glee offered up a version by Amber Riley (with backup from basically the rest of the cast) and… eh. I mean, it’s good, and Amber Riley (who plays Mercedes Jones) is flawless, but the arrangement is intentionally retro and cloying. It was almost designed to be too much: too much bells, too much belting, too much happiness. Being single this holiday season, it’s not my favorite, but being newly single would make it so much worse, because so much of the song does hinge on an unadulterated, eyes-popping-out-of-your-goddamn-head optimism… which is what much of Christmas wants, and sometimes demands. The video is even better, with a fairly carefree Carey literally frolicking in the snow. There’s puppies! And reindeer! And the relative look of an old family holiday movie! It’s entirely too much, and that’s what makes it great is what I’m saying. Or it’s what makes it a horrible, wrenching experience, if you’re single and/or heartbroken.

If you follow me here, you’re probably aware that I’ve taken a decently long hiatus, which will actually most likely turn into a longer, more solid hiatus. But the holidays are a good time to get some odds and ends done, so I’ve started notes on the contestant videos for the fourth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race starting in January on LOGO and may be posting a few shorter things here in the Yuletide meantime.

In particular, I’ve not been listening to any holiday music, so I’m digging up my favourite winter holiday songs. Some are Christmas-y, some are not, and yes, I’m fine with that. Above is “Snowman” by Barenaked Ladies from their Barenaked for the Holidays album, and I’d really suggest just listening to the whole album, because it’s superb. “Deck The Stills” is perhaps the most random and hilarious holiday song ever recorded, “Elf’s Lament” features Michael Buble in a peppy pre-Great Recession song about the oppression of elves under Santa’s reign, “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” is mashed with “We Three Kings” and accompanied by Sarah McLachlan’s signature haunting vocals. “Snowman” always sticks out for me because it is calm, more than a little melancholy, but it’s not a song of dread. Well, at least, until we find the gene that created Frosty.

Criticized, compromised
White turns to grey
I’m paralyzed, otherwise
I’d leave today
Button eyes, lullabys,
I melt away

Made of snow, I don’t know
How I fit in
Ever cold, love untold
I don’t fit in

Officially, the short film 2081 (based on the Kurt Vonnegut short story “Harrison Bergeron”) is a fairly (if not very - I don’t have a copy at the moment) adaptation of the short story it’s based on.

Unofficially, it’s fucking amazing.

I abandoned all summer stock in terms of recaps, but The Big C and True Blood had such epic finales that you really should just catch up with both series. The True Blood finale was particularly destructive, so I’m happy to sink into the fall lineup. (SPOILERS for already-aired episodes)

Glee: Season 3

I feel like we’ve had two solid episodes of setup at this point, so now this week with “Asian F,” I feel like we’re really getting into the major story arcs. Little Sammy Evans is gone, which I’m pretty okay with – it does make his performance in Season 2 kind of pointless, though. Mike Chang’s been bumped up to regular, hence “Asian F,” and a decent storyline. I know Ryan Murphy already said that this season is going to focus on Finn, Kurt, and Rachel and what they’ll be doing after graduation, but some of these plotlines are getting rather shoehorned in – Mercedes and her husbear (and her new diva attitude), Brittany (and Kurt, and maybe Rachel?) running for senior class president, Brittany and Santana magically staying in New Directions and Cheerios (and surprisingly not having enough tension to cut with a knife), this ridiculous inevitable storyline of Quinn trying to get custody of her baby, and Puck kind of involuntarily(?) colluding. Basically, Glee should never have a pregnancy storyline ever, and really the only one that worked was Quinn’s Season 1 pregnancy (and I may have a PTSD reaction to the words “hysterical pregnancy”). Shelby (biomom of Rachel, adoptive mom of Beth) has signed on for a pretty long season arc, and while that probably is going to present a lot of random fuckery, I’m not against Idina Menzel continuing to sing (even if her sort of Midwestern Jewish accent is strange and random). That being said, a lot is going right. Kurt and Rachel are getting really rich stories, especially in the Finchel and Klaine canon. I still don’t understand why neither of them would audition for Julliard’s vocal music program – I get that they both want to perform on Broadway, but “singer from Julliard” can get you pretty far in the performing arts. Hell, Kristin Chenoweth has her Masters in Opera – after she started working – and she was working on Wicked from its initial writing and workshop conception. They both have the voices for it, and Rachel sure as hell knows that, and Finn could (at least theoretically) go for percussion. There! Solved! However, my favorite storyline going on is the Will and Emma storyline, specifically how we’re finally dealing with Emma actually having OCD rather than it being just a quirky trait of hers. It looks like the writer’s room actually did some – gasp! – research on OCD for some of these sequences! We’re burning through West Side Story songs like crazy, and we’ve only had one appearance of one of The Glee Project winners - Lindsay, in the first episode. We still have Damian’s multi-episode arc coming up as an exchange student who’s living with Brittany (REALLY! I’M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS! …also, he’s just adorable), Alex inevitably becoming the lovechild of Mercedes and Kurt, and Sam… doing something? I still don’t understand why he even wants to be on Glee, so it’s difficult for me to imagine him on Glee, let alone what his multi-episode arc will be.

Dexter: Season 6

I was surprised at how good this year’s cold open was – aside from the series premiere, Dexter tends to start out slow and establish a few plot points before really getting into the season. Apparently it’s reversed places with Glee in that respect. We barely see Harrison, but he is still wee, and now Batista and his sister live in the apartment next door, which of course concerns me, and will of course become some sort of problem. I love that LaGuerta got her captain title through blackmail, but now she has shat where she lives – Matthews isn’t going away, and it’s going to become a problem. Quinn and Deb only really got together in a real way at the end of last season, and now they’re living together and fighting like an old married couple, which Quinn apparently thinks is a cue to propose to Deb. Er? Apparently there are already people starting to compare this season to the Miguel Prado season, which… I mean, sure, it could go that way, except that there’s way too many differences between our as-yet-unidentified Edward James Olmos character, who seems like much more of a serial killer than Miguel Prado’s overall killing rage. I’m almost more interested in his young Norman Bates lookalike doppelganger, particularly since he seems rather conflicted about the things he’s doing. Masuka of course still has a lab geek storyline, only now he’s teaching a forensics class. I miss the days of Vince Masuka: Lead Forensics Investigator (And There’s No One Better), but I guess that’s what lab geeks get these days. I’m curious to see whether this religious idea will continue through the season, but there’s plenty of one-episode arcs in Dexter’s history. Still, it would (and does) challenge Harry’s Code, so maybe it could be better than I think.

House: Season 7

Ugh, I hate House at its weirdest. Pretty much the whole reason I watch is for strange diagnoses, the ludicrous nature of how it’s finally resolved, and the relationships on the show. Of course, we have no more Cuddy, but we also start with House’s pre-parole imprisonment. Oh, how I don’t give a shit! I also still don’t give a shit about him being in the rehab cum mental ward. Hey, let’s take House out of his comfort zone and put him in a new situation! Uh, House is one of the biggest sociopaths (or at least misanthropes) on television – he observes his environment and adapts, so these storylines are pointless other than wanting to see House act up against some new actors.

As an aside, I’m also a little disappointed at the recent print promos, besides Dexter’s (pictured above). About half of Glee’s promos are this dodgeball motif (that I don’t really like) and the other half is yearbook photos (which I kind of like, but it varies from character to character). Nurse Jackie’s early promos are perhaps the most disappointing - they’ve had some excellent print promos for the first few seasons, and now it’s rushing Jackie down the hall on a cart? That’s the most creativity we get? Ugh.

Before revealing my selections and feelings about this year’s MTV Video Music Awards (which air tonight at 9 p.m. ET), I’d like to explain why I’m so very jaded about this event and music videos in general: the first year I watched the VMAs was 1997. Jamiroquai’s groundbreaking video for “Virtual Insanity” won Best Video, Beck was variously nominated and performed live, R. Kelly was popularly known for his contributions to the Space Jam soundtrack, Will Smith was deep in the Men in Black franchise, strong women like Meredith Brooks, Paula Cole, Jewel, Toni Braxton, Erykah Badu, and a pre-solo Gwen Stefani were the talk of the first year of Lilith Fair. Then-Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs began pioneering legal sampling and performed with Faith Evans and 112, with a surprise appearance by Sting, whose The Police hit “I’ll Be Watching You” was sampled for “I’ll Be Missing You.” Blackstreet helmed popular new jack swing with “No Diggity,” Missy Elliot stepped out from behind impressive production credits to enter the industry as an artist with “The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly),” and Freak Nasty’s “Da Dip” was inescapable. The Smashing Pumpkins sang their pre-“Adore” be-Batnippled swansong, The Prodigy introduced pop to electronica, and The Wallflowers and The Spice Girls arrived to fanfare, only to exit the scene shortly thereafter. Mark Romanek’s gorgeous video for nine inch nails’ “The Perfect Drug” somehow avoided winning anything beyond Romanek getting a Video Vanguard award along with LL Cool J. Members of the Wu-Tang Clan introduced a still-unprecedented all-women hip-hop performance of “Ladies Night” with Lil Kim, Missy Elliot, Da Brat, Angie Martinez, and Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes. Fiona Apple’s acceptance speech for heroin chic-inspired “Sleep to Dream” caused controversy (and a caustic rebuttal from Janeane Garofalo on Denis Leary’s “Lock N Load” comedy album), posthumous awards were given to Notorious B.I.G. for “Hypnotize” and Sublime for “What I Got,” and a sequence of international MTV winners introduced the average American to Silverchair, The Prodigy, Daft Punk, and Radiohead. The economy was booming, music was good and dark, and the visuals were supposed to make sense with the sound. Recent years have been more kind to monetary values and big performance draws. Hell, Jewel performed her lullaby “Angel Standing By” accompanied by simply her guitar and it was lovely - no such thing would grace a current MTV awards show.

Enough reminiscing: onto this year’s schlock! To be fair, I have fallen in love with Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” song and video, and in terms of mis-en-scene is the strongest contender overall. I still love Lady Gaga, but the videos for “Born This Way” and “Judas” are mere shadows of “Bad Romance,” “Alejandro,” and even “Poker Face.” That being said, when Lady Gaga phones in a performance, it’s still at least 300% more entertaining than most Billboard Hot 100 Singles these days. My theme for watching and evaluating these videos unintentionally ended up being one of restraint versus an embarrassing amount of vanity, both with artists and directors. These are my selections:

Best Pop Video

Adele - “Rolling in the Deep”

Best Rock Video

Cage The Elephant - “Shake Me Down”

Despite the new-indie sound, this video is heavily inspired by old school storytelling songs, grunge, and - perhaps strangest of all, but it totally works - Madonna’s “Ray of Light” music video. The intercuts are as earnest as the song, giving further depth rather than trying to overwhelm the viewer with jump cuts. The video is directed by the versatile Isaac Rentz, who also directed the otherworldly, ’80s-inspired video for Uh Huh Her’s “Not a Love Song.”

Best Hip Hop Video

Nicki Minaj - “Super Bass”

It’s Nicki Minaj’s year, I mean, let’s get real. The video is both fierce and feminine, almost a more relaxed, pastel version of Lil Kim and Lil Cease’s “Crush On You.” It’s directed by the illustrious Sanaa Hamri, one of the few female people of colour on the scene of directing music videos today. Notably, she’s directed videos for Mariah Carey and Prince and lived to tell the tale, which is simply amazing. Even the severity of day-glo and UV lighting is softened to produce a video wholly its own in a sea of masculinity, even in 2011. It’s a fun video for a fun song with dynamic visuals, which is more than I can say for most of these nominees.

Best Female Video

Adele - “Rolling in the Deep”

Best Male Video

Eminem f/Rihanna - “Love the Way You Lie”

Video of the Year

Adele - “Rolling in the Deep”

Best Collaboration

Kanye West f/Rihanna, Kid Cudi - “All of the Lights”

I really had trouble placing this selection, because it is really this fantastic video, and not a traditional Hype Williams project. Typography junkies rejoice! But, even more notably, the lush light saturation is almost hard to watch, but fits the song so perfectly while interspersed with darker, Depression Era-style images.

Best Video With a Message

Pink - “Fucking Perfect”

This was a difficult category to evaluate, partially because I find Taylor Swift unwatchable, but also because videos “with a message” tend to be more self-serving than devoted to their message. Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” will forever live as a song that associates the Christian capital-g god with the LGBT community, which is utterly groundbreaking, but the video goes in a darker, non-revolutionary direction. Rise Against brings a close second, but the Pink video follows the lifelong struggles of one character with superb scene transitions, as opposed to starting at the point of suicide - no one just decides one day that suicide is a good idea, they just want the constant, overwhelming pain to stop, and it’s not a perfect world if they decide not to follow through, it’s the same shitty one. 

Best Art Direction

 Adele - “Rolling in the Deep”

 Best Choreography

 Lady Gaga - “Judas”

I’m embarrassed for Bruno Mars that “The Lazy Song” was nominated - it’s a fun song, a fun video, but… really? You want to celebrate it for its choreography, MTV?

 Best Cinematography

 Adele - “Rolling in the Deep”

Best Direction

Adele - “Rolling in the Deep”

Best Special Effects

Linkin Park - “Waiting For The End”

I actually would have preferred similar visuals and effects for Chromeo’s “Don’t Turn the Lights Off,” instead of its somewhat interesting, somewhat disturbing video seemingly packed with special effects for the sake of themselves.

Best Editing

Adele - “Rolling in the Deep”

Best New Artist

Tyler, The Creator - “Yonkers”

This video was difficult for me to place as well - it’s subtle and slightly disturbing, but hard to take your eyes away from. Hardly any videos are done in a single cut these days, but “Yonkers” presents a self-effacing new hip-hop voice and face in simple black and white with a few darker effects to grab your attention.

My Highly Arbitrary and Self-Serving Emmy Awards Score Card

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory • CBS

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series 

Dexter • Showtime 

Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie

Luther • BBC America 

Idris Elba as John Luther

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series

The Big C • Showtime 

Laura Linney as Cathy Jamison

-or-

Nurse Jackie • Showtime 

Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit • NBC 

Mariska Hargitay as Detective Olivia Benson

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie

Mildred Pierce • HBO 

Kate Winslet as Mildred Pierce

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series

Glee • FOX 

Chris Colfer as Kurt Hummel

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series

Mad Men • AMC 

John Slattery as Roger Sterling

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie

The Kennedys • ReelzChannel 

Tom Wilkinson as Joe Kennedy

-or-

Too Big To Fail • HBO 

Paul Giamatti as Ben Bernanke

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series

Glee • FOX 

Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series

Mad Men • AMC 

Christina Hendricks as Joan Harris

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie

Downton Abbey (Masterpiece) • PBS

Maggie Smith as Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham

Outstanding Guest Actor In A Comedy Series

The Big C • Showtime 

Idris Elba as Lenny

Outstanding Guest Actor In A Drama Series

The Good Wife 

Michael J. Fox as Louis Canning

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy Series

Glee • FOX 

Kristin Chenoweth as April Rhodes

-or-

Glee • FOX

Dot-Marie Jones as Coach Beiste

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Drama Series

Dexter • Showtime

Julia Stiles as Lumen Pierce

Outstanding Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory • CBS 

Glee • FOX 

Outstanding Drama Series

Dexter • Showtime 

Outstanding Miniseries Or Movie

Too Big To Fail • HBO

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series

Real Time With Bill Maher • HBO 

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Special

Carrie Fisher In Wishful Drinking • HBO 

Outstanding Special Class Programs

The 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards • NBC 

Ricky Gervais, Host

Outstanding Special Class - Short-format Live-Action Entertainment Programs

The Daily Show Correspondents Explain • thedailyshow.com 

Outstanding Special Class - Short-format Nonfiction Programs

Outstanding Reality Program

Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List • Bravo 

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program

Top Chef • Bravo 

Exceptional Merit In Nonfiction Filmmaking

Gasland • HBO

Milwaukee’s Pridefest was amazing, as usual. I was bouncing around a lot, so I didn’t commit to a lot of acts. I did, however, see The Windy City Beauties, Jade, Stacy Layne Matthews (pictured above), Pam Ann, and Salt-N-Pepa. Not too shabby.

So, as I’m waiting for more upcoming television gossip to bubble to the surface and Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara to finale tonight, I’ve created my official post-Pride mix - I traditionally have a Pridefest mix before the weekend, but it just wasn’t in the cards this year. I’m very happy with it, though - and many songs I actually heard at Pridefest (including plenty of Glee).

The Mr. Ford I Can’t Afford Tax Deductible Post-Pridefest 2011 Mix

The Flirtations – Everything Possible

Destiny’s Child – Survivor

Outkast – The Way You Move

Jimmy James – Fashionista

Selena Gomez – Naturally

Kelis – Milkshake

Jay Brannan – Half-Boyfriend

Britney Spears – Till The World Ends

Four Non-Blondes – What’s Up? (Dance Mix)

Beyonce – Diva

Salt-N-Pepa – Let’s Talk About Sex

LMFAO – I Am Not a Whore

Martha Wash – Carry On

Betty Bowers – You’re Going Straight to Hell (Love the Sinner/Hate the Clothes Remix)

Lady Gaga – Judas

LeAnn Rimes – Can’t Fight the Moonlight

Chelley – Took the Night (Extended Mix)

Deborah Cox – Nobody’s Supposed to Be Here (Dance Mix)

Rye Rye ft. Robyn - Never Will Be Mine

Never let it be said that I will not admit when I’m wrong, because: I was wrong!

Oxygen’s The Glee Project just premiered, and it’s excellent. Yes, there are problems - it’s reality television; you’re asking to squeeze blood from a rock, people. But nonetheless, it is extremely fun and really embodies the whole Glee hippieness of individuality and acceptance. I’d be as cynical as anyone about that, but musicals are like my Kryptonite for a bullshit shield (except for Carousel, but I won’t go into that).

The setup is fairly traditional - mini-challenge, work and character establishment, main challenge, pre-judging breakdowns, and judging/crying. And it ends with a closing number! HEE! Again, musicals = Kryptonite!

I do have to totally bust out Oxygen, though, because the intro is all kind of bullshit that is dimly true. Yes, this only proves was an incredible gleek I am, and I’m fine with that (and yes, my loved ones have to live with that too)! Oxygen started casting calls for The Glee Project, and Ryan Murphy initially wasn’t involved - they wanted him, but he hadn’t signed on and they were already casting. And absolutely, Ryan Murphy has been talking for a while about how, well, people generally go to high school for four years when they’re pretty white people in quasi-suburbia/”rural” Ohio. So that whole intro kind of fudged and conflated a lot of disparate truths - FASCINATING! Hollywood truth totally fascinates me!

Spoilers for Episode 1 Beyond This Point: You’ve Been Warned

Bryce, we barely knew ye, but you need to be able to be vulnerable to be on Glee, dude. …incidentally, your falsetto isn’t that bad, and if you worked it up, you’d be fine. And then you’d just need to bridge the gap (well, I mean, more or less). You know I’m all up in my shit when I’m talking to the person on the show I was just watching! But really, like, his voice is really good, but he’s too scared. Relaaaax! It’s Glee! Damian equally endeared me for singing “I wish that I was Jesse’s girl” and then laughing about it afterwards. And a shy Irish homo at McKinley? GRANTED! The girl who thinks she looks 10 years old… but kind of doesn’t that much - I mean, yes, she looks young, but… girl, CALM YOURSELF! Well, I guess that’s exactly what I have to say about her - ha! She didn’t totally nail “Big Spender,” but she definitely nailed it enough and didn’t do anything creepily child-like, unlike the rest of the episode. I’m still reeling from that. The girl who thinks she’s an amazing flirt… scares me. And obviously confuses me, along with everyone else on planet Earth, because she’s not an amazing flirt! …whew! Just needed to get that out. I tentatively like the geeky guy, and I’m 100% behind Damian. He also has an Irish accent - that’s also my Kryptonite. And he’s singing for a musical show. That’s… wow. I think he might be my dream man. Damian: call me! I’m on the internet and I’m easy to find! The fabulous Black fashion designer will go far in this competition, I don’t doubt.

I think this is also a good opportunity to announce that I’m laying groundwork to start “video logging,” or “vlogging,” as they say on the Wild Interwebs. It will likely be mostly focused on my life, ostensibly as a transguy, queer life in Milwaukee, and that sort of thing. When I get my first vlog recorded and up, I’ll give a brief post.

The 63rd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards are forthcoming - nominees are being announced July 14, the Creative Arts Emmys will be on September 10, and the real deal Emmys will be on September 18 on Fox. This is all dreadfully boring, so let’s cut to the chase: Jane Lynch is hosting. What?! I don’t even care who gets nominated now! Well, that’s not totally true - I want Chris Colfer to win all the awards, but I think the chances of that are fairly slim. I’ve heard it’s going to be at the Nokia Theatre or the Kodak Theatre, and… who really cares, honestly? I mean, yes, if I were actually there I would, but all we get are just sweeping shots of shellacked set pieces anyway.

Unfortunately, the only way that will work is if Jane Lynch doesn’t water herself down and she isn’t forced to water herself down. I have high hopes because she’s the woman behind Sue Sylvester, but I have low hopes because I’ve watched many an awards show in my time.